


into the light

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [40]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Depression, Drama, F/M, Jealousy, M/M, Romance, Self-Discovery, Sexual Tension, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 23:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: The street lamp seemed brighter with him standing underneath. Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol and there was just the two of them, like it used to be.





	into the light

**Author's Note:**

> prompt from penguin random house, prompter Adeola Abubakar  
> i've been trying for the past 2 weeks to stay away from any darker topics and adventure once again into the land of humor, but it seems like the heart wants what it wants. or, the brain in this case.  
> it appears like i still have the need to anaylse my 'bad' emotions that have been a constant for the past couple of month; i feel like writing such short stories helps me understand them and me as a person, better, or at least, releaves some of the pressure sometimes.  
> i know that depression and mental health is an important topic and one that we shouldn't use in a fic just for the sake of it, to make it more interesting. everything depicted here is solely from my personal experience.  
> feel free to comment down below, share your experience and the way you deal with depression, if it is the case, of course.  
> anyways, hope you'll enjoy reading:)

The wind swirls around the ground, crumbling parched leaves all over his shoes; crinkling, they break apart into fine dust that gets caught in clothes, hair, his soul.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, squeezes them shut until there's no more darkness, but colorful dots.

He wants to cry; caught at the edge of his throat, the mourn kicks like a caged animal, until it's swallowed down to the pit of his chest.

Black figures get stuck to the red bricks of the buildings that surround him, melting into them as the light of the street lamp begins to fade.

It flickers for a while but doesn't die straight away.

Even the fog around him is drenched, dragging along the sidewalk with dripping fingers. People step over it as they only look straight ahead, grabbing tighter at their coats.

Baekhyun opens his eyes. The street is now empty, left alone to the whispers of the wind that carries it above the roofs of the houses.

He doesn't want to leave the safety of the light but the seconds pass and he must make a decision.

Someone stops behind him. He feels it in the back of his skull, burning with all the leaves that fall down.

He turns around; the corners of his lips drag down and his eyes are shadowed by red veins. But there's a secondary shadow, falling over his face, waiting right at his feet next to his own.

What is it waiting for?

The street lamp stops flickering, the light turns warmer all around their bodies, creating a glowing dome that separates them from the rest.

"Chanyeol..." Baekhyun whispers.

The other nods, looking down at their feet. His hand lifts up from where it was, hangs in the air for a second, two, then it falls back down.

Maybe he should. Or shouldn't.

Their shadow is growing bigger and bigger until it covers the entire street. He shakes his head to make it go away, but it only makes him dizzy. Chanyeol doesn't say a thing next to him, just stares into a certain spot.

"I missed you."

A car passes by, its light turning all the bricks white. He is blinded by it, closes his eyes and opens them. His heart is racing but Chanyeol is there, in front of him.

How he has always been until he wasn't. That happened so abruptly that Baekhyun hasn't realized it until one day when it all fell over him.

But now, Chanyeol is back with him, looking young and old at the same time.

 

 

Young as the first time he saw him, smelling the same, of laundry detergent and spearmint. With his hair covering his eyes that were too big for his face at the time.

Baekhyun made fun of everything, pinched his cheeks as the elder between them two, while the rest of the children watched in admiration at how bold he had been.

And Chanyeol didn't say anything that time or other times. They went to the hair salon and he sat in a too big chair, having Baekhyun giggle in a corner.

Their fingers found each other on the way home, holding tightly until the door opened. Baekhyun had always smelled of chocolate. He was hiding candies in the pockets of his jacket during winter, handing one after another to Chanyeol underneath their desk until one time, when the teacher caught them; took them all in her hands and Baekhyun swallowed the cry and buried his head at his chest.

Chanyeol looks old too, like he is supposed to. Exactly how he did the day he first saw him after 3 years, when he returned home from college. They took a picture that day, in front of the train station, and Baekhyun still has it framed and placed in a drawer underneath some shirts and socks.

A while back, it was on the night stand, two faces grinning at him as he was smiling back at them.

But the Chanyeol going to college was changed.

He thought that his eyes were more serious, his smile less bright, his true intentions less visible. Baekhyun still couldn't stop grinning when he saw him or when their fingers found each other.

They were holding hands only in privacy, with no people surrounding them.

That Chanyeol was smoking too, not smelling anymore of laundry detergent and spearmint. It was still him, the old smell adapting to this new one, stepping back on the old path that he let be covered by weeds.

"Why don't you go to college?"

Chanyeol was asking him that from time to time, at regular intervals, when he knew Baekhyun was tired, obedient.

"Because it is a waste of time and money. Money that I do not have." he had been always saying until he believed it himself.

Baekhyun had never left his home town. Chanyeol had.

Baekhyun had never done anything to make his blood race and lungs burn and brain and all his cells fill with adrenaline.

Everyday looked the same as the one that had just passed. Sometimes more grey, sometimes more yellow.

Chanyeol had other friends too. Made more in college that he was talking to every week, every day.

Baekhyun had 2. Chanyeol and a second one that he considered more as a half friend, someone he needed as a replacement for the first.

It became more obvious as they grew older and Baekhyun stopped going out because the park and swing were no longer for him.

Chanyeol went to parties. Baekhyun stayed home and watched movies in his room.

Sometimes, he would drag him there but then, he didn't know what to do, how to dance and maybe flirt with those girls that didn't make him feel in any way.

The music was too loud and even though there were so many people around him, bumping into each other and shouting words he couldn't understand, he felt alone.

Baekhyun would go back without Chanyeol.

 

The light flickers again above his head. He looks up and then back at the other who seems to be smiling.

Or is he not?

Baekhyun wants to touch him but his limbs don't move, standing close to his body. His throat is dry and he knows his voice would come out like a croak.

 

Back then, he wouldn't talk to many people or answer to classes because an invisible rope would grow tighter and tighter around his rib cage; each word, each answer was followed by a hundred more reproaches, questions.

Not coming from the others. But from him.

He didn't like his voice or words he spoke or things he said. Everything would sound funny in his ears.

But Chanyeol would pat his shoulders and sometimes, when no one would be watching, caress his cheeks, ruffle his hair. When people were turning their eyes towards them, Chanyeol was going back to his normal self where he wouldn't touch Baekhyun more than a nudge in the arm.

 

"I really missed you." Baekhyun says to the Chanyeol that is standing in front of him.

That's what he wanted to tell him on the day he returned for good from college. This Chanyeol is quiet, unlike any of the variations he has known throughout the years.

 

One time, Chanyeol kissed him. They were in his room, on his bed, watching a movie.

But Baekhyun couldn't focus on it as all he could think about was Chanyeol and only Chanyeol. How happy he felt, right next to him.

He looked at him from the corner of his eyes and laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You." he said and turned on his right, facing Baekhyun. "You are blushing."

Chanyeol pointed towards his face and Baekhyun hid it underneath his hand. But the other splayed his fingers around his wrists and slowly pulled them down, into his lap.

"I like it...don't hide." he said.

Baekhyun smiled.

His face was tilted a little, maybe getting closer to his, maybe not, because Baekyun closed his eyes and held his breathe and waited for his heart beat to slow down. Chanyeol kissed him. He opened his eyes and gasped for air.

That was the first time. Fresh out of high school but Chanyeol left for college and Baekhyun remained behind, living in the same house, holding the same secret.

He breathes out. A leaf floats between their bodies and falls to the ground. It crumbles like the rest. All the light falls down on Chanyeol's face, highlighting the bridge of his nose, his pale cheekbones, the curve of his lips.

Baekyun called him every day at first until Chanyeol stopped picking up from the first call or the second. Then, it all became a weekly thing. Afterwards, monthly.

In the first year, Chanyeol didn't come home for Christmas and Baekhyun found out from his mother that he had a girlfriend.

One pretty girl from a nice town studying at the same college with him.

Baekhyun swallowed the knot in his throat that time too, falling down in the pit of his chest next to many more.

That summer, Chanyeol called and said he's going to Europe with some friends; he sounded happy and Baekhyun still had his back up friend. Kyungsoo.

They wouldn't talk or share much, but Kyungsoo was as much of a loner as he was. So they got along out of necessity, until he realized that most of his days were spent in his company, laughing at his jokes and watching movies on the bed where Chanyeol used to sit.

The phone calls reduced to one every three months, if Chanyeol picked up.

Sometimes he didn't. He would call back, days later, apologizing and asking what he had been up too.

"Not much."

"Oh, come on. You must have done something fun this summer." Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun wasn't sure whether or not he was pretending.

"No. I...stayed home."

Home, in his room, not bothering to wash that much or eat that much; sometimes he would eat too much, stuff his face with ice cream and chocolate until he would run to the toilet to puke.

"You could come, pay a visit to an old, old friend." Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun didn't want to get out of the house. Do a 10 hour journey, stuck in a train that could derail and fall from a bridge into a cold river. Go to a new town, filled with new people, noises and unknown and maybe get lost; meet Chanyeol's new friends that wouldn't like him but still, he would have to sit on a chair and smile and laugh and pretend.

"Chanyeol..."

"Come on. Pay a visit. I'll wait for you. You'd see my dorm room. Throw a little party, get a little drunk." he said.

Baekhyun accepted.

He threw some clothes in the only backpack he had been using for a couple of years and took the train at 6 in the morning. His throat was filled with fright. He tried to fall asleep but he feared that someone might steal his luggage. So he didn't.

At 5, the train stopped in the station and with jittery limbs he went down the two stairs onto the cement platform.

The air smelled like honey and cherries. He wasn't sure why.

Baekhyun looked around, but he couldn't see Chanyeol. His glasses were dirty, so he cleaned them with the edge of his shirt.

Then he spot him: walking in his direction, smiling brightly, holding a girl's hand.

"Baekhyun!!" he shouted and they hugged.

Tight, making him drop the backpack on the ground.

"Baek..." Chanyeol whispered.

Baekhyun smiled and looked over at the girl.

"That is Seulgi."

 

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol. The light seems to be puncturing the skin, ending on the other side of his skull. Like an arrow shot into him. He shakes his head.

There’s the red bricks through the palms of his hands; fog through his jacket. His eyes are made out of light.

 

The dorm room was small, with two beds and a table in between them, two closets near the door and a window above the table.

It smelled strange, like dirty socks.

"My roommate is at his girlfriend's, so we have it all for ourselves." Chanyeol said.

"Great." Baekhyun smiled.

"What's the plan? I have booze and some pot and-"

"Pot?"

His hands turned cold and sweaty.

"Yeah...if you want to try some."

He shook his head. Chanyeol laughed.

"So only booze."

Baekhyun had never liked the taste of alcohol, except for beer, which he didn't drink that often. But Chanyeol kept offering him glasses with clear liquid or colored ones that sometimes smelled of fruits or sometimes just of rubbing alcohol.

He was drunk.

The room was spinning with him every time he tried to stand up or make a move, slowly at first, then faster and faster until he felt like vomiting. He was staring at the ceiling fan.

"That was fun." Chanyeol laughed.

Baekhyun tried to look at him but his head seemed to be made out of lead.

"Your cheeks are so..." Chanyeol whispered, turning on his side.

They were facing each other, centimeters apart as Baekhyun couldn't think about much. Maybe that his hair looks funny which made him burst into laughter.

Chanyeol followed him.

"I..."

"Why...do you like your gil-girl?" Baekhyun asked.

He laughed again and touched his cheek.

"I like you betteeer." he said and leaned in until their noses were touching.

Chanyeol breathed out through his mouth, warm air all over their faces and then, touched his lips with his own.

He didn't move, just stayed liked that. Baekhyun was enjoying the sensation of skin on skin, blood rushing just millimeters underneath of it.

Chanyeol bit on his bottom lip.

"I wanted to...do that for a while." he said.

Baekhyun nodded, cupped his face and kissed him, this time with intention. Chanyeol opened up, sighing as his hands were running through his hair.

He didn't know what he was doing, but everything was making him grow bolder, more impatient with each kiss and brush of fingers.

The door opened. It hit the wall.

Baekhyun heard a laugh echo through the room and hallway. He pushed Chanyeol away and closed his eyes, waiting.

"Dustin!! Come over here to see-"

Baekhyun shakes his head. The light is now almost emanated by his face, yellow and white, glowing over him. The rest of the body is barely visible as the building behind is replacing it.

Afterwards, he had left straight to the train station and Chanyeol didn't stop him. He was drunk, and dizzy and lonely.

Everything was aching, especially his chest. He felt ashamed. The whole time, waiting in the circular space of the building that had benches on every side, it seemed like everyone was staring at him. He was sweating underneath his coat, feeling warm and disgusting. The train didn't seem to be coming.

 

Baekhyun shakes his head again and there's only the red bricks in front of him. The street lamp is flickering and people pass by with their slimy faces.

One stops in front of him. Baekhyun glances at his watch. It's only been 10 seconds. 10 seconds since he has stopped there, underneath the street lamp.

"Sorry. My boss is a real asshole. Double work amount, even less money." Kyungsoo huffed. "You look red."

"I might be getting a cold."

"No wonder. One day 30 degrees, one day -10." he says and holds his hand.

Baekhyun looks down at it and starts walking.

 

When Chanyeol came back home, for good, as he had said on the telephone, Baekhyun didn't feel glad. Happy. Just scared.

He waited for him at the train station, arriving there 2 hours in advance. His heart was beating too fast, time was passing too slowly and his hands were sweaty and cold.

"The train 4823 coming from Kensington town will arrive in 5 minutes on platform 3."

Baekhyun faltered.

He breathed in and walked over there, slower than usual; he looked to his left. The shape was growing bigger and bigger until it was only 5 meters away from where he was. It stopped with a long screech and honk in a general buzz made by everyone around.

He didn't see him immediately. There were too many people getting out of it, with their luggage in one hand and maybe with the other holding a child.

He didn't know when Chanyeol stopped in front of him, smiling.

"Hey..."

"Hi..."

"I missed you." Chanyeol whispered.

He dropped everything and hugged Baekhyun.

"I missed you so much."

But he didn't answer because that night was still so vivid in his memory. He still felt angry, betrayed.

"Did you grow taller?" Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun shook his head.

"Come on. Let's go."

He came there with a cab. They took a cab for their way back too, even though Chanyeol tried to argue that he wanted to make it home on foot.

The traffic was decent, with not too many cars. Chanyeol held his hand at some point and Baekhyun looked down at their fingers, at how well they fit together, as they always had.

He opened his mouth to tell him that he missed him too, so much that every night he had imagined how it would have been if that door had never opened.

But he couldn't because suddenly, everything stopped, for just a second as he watched the window from Chanyeol's side smash into tiny pieces and the door being propelled into his body; it contorted, like a toy and remained that way, splayed on the back seat.

He closed his eyes and everything blacked out for a while.

When he opened them, there was too much light. Too much of everything.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are well loved:)  
> hope you have a great one wherever you are


End file.
